In the second part of my review I will now discuss the concept of abuse and its relationship with autism and gender .I believe fervently that the connection between both of these needs to become much clearer. At sixteen I meet a person in my art class. I’d never had a best friend and started talking to them that day. They invited me to come over almost immediately .I told them all about me. The fact I’d dealt with extreme mental health problems, my autism, loneliness etc. One day I had to help look for them with their friend as they were apparently contemplating suicide in Victoria park. They then confided that they had epilepsy which they hid from their mother and that they had been abused by their father and an ex. We bonded over things like this and I kept giving them facts about myself. I had no way of knowing that they were a compulsive liar and abuser. At first they made me feel incredible. I was the best person they’d ever met…Soon I was having to care for them as their fits worsened. They were obviously real and it made me worry for them. My life slowly became one of caring constantly for them…Friendships with others started to fade as they needed me, were scared I would abandon them and other’s realized being friends was a lost cause. The concept that someone would lie about all this was inconceivable to me. People were good at the core and no one would hurt others who loved them…Would they? Slowly the relationship took its toll.. I was with an emotional vampire who sucked out my own energy, craved constant attention and validation and made me slowly feel like I was half dead. My family and other friends had to be wrong….They put their trust in me regarding their care and keeping secrets. They had found a weakness in my naiviety, kindness, honesty and similar and were twisting and pushing it as far as possible to see what happened. I started having sleep paralysis and nightmares a lot. I felt exhausted and emotionless a lot as well. One night they stayed over and had a fit. After it they slapped me hard on the cheek and apologised saying it was a reaction. I was shocked and teary ,but replied it was fine. We started dating briefly despite my asexuality and I kissed and let them touch my chest despite them looking repugnant to me. I still feel disgust to every fiber of my being when I think of all this. This person had seen an autistic person as a victim. Reading this chapter of the book was extremely emotional to me as I wish I’d had it before this happened to me. Disabled people especially women are abused much more than is the average. I couldn’t recognise the fact someone with a lack of empathy might want to use someone like my disability in order to manipulate me. In the text abuse is described in detail. It makes clear how there are different forms such as sexual,physical,emotional/psychological or even financial. I underwent mostly emotional and psychological abuse and doubted for so long that anything was wrong in the relationship because I wasn’t get hurt physically. When someone hurts you by twisting and using you you are being abused as much as someone sexually or physically abused. In my own experiences I’ve also learnt anyone can be an abuser such as a friend. The chapter goes on to describe common experiances of abused people such as being made to think you deserve your abuse which are all things I recognise. The text tells its reader’s how to leave and recover as well. This chapter is so important to me. It shines a light on abuse and how autistic people can be victims of it whilst advising those who haven’t experienced it how to stay safe or what to do at any stage if they are in or have been in one. Be the disabled person a teenager abused by a trusted friend or a child physically abused by their caregiver or a disabled women sexually abused or anything else….All deserve life without such disgusting treatment. All deserve to live life with love and support for their condition instead of it becoming an excuse for the person to be hurt. I might still be naïve to think the world should and could be like this , but I’m happy to be.
In conclusion I believe that ‘Ultraviolet voices’ is a book everyone should aim to read. It accurately depicts life for women with Aspergers by using the best sources possible: the women themselves. It discusses important concerns such as abuse and ageing while considering autistic psychiatric research. The book gives autistic women a voice and has been dearly needed. I can’t recommend more.
