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Dear Women of the Library,
I, Great Xerox of Trongate have visitied your library in your absence and I have taken a prisoner! She was there all on her own gibbering rubbish about Denmark and mouldy tents looking lost among the piles of paper (oh yes, I have witnessed your recycling sins!) and syringes and repeating “Just one post card in the toilet, just one!” under her breathe. She begged me to take her life rather than subject her to two months of potentially paper-cutting dangerous work, but I said “Neigh” – (I’m part horse you see), “a ramson will be levied on your co-‘workers’ – those Tequila drinking, Sombero wearing women who left you to fend for yourself”. The ramson is this: 4 copies of Margaret Atwoods’ ‘The Edible Woman’ (Hah! I bet you wish you hadn’t had that booksale now!), at least 3 of your finest Tesco cakes (the St Clements is a favorite of mine) and a clipping of hair from one of the spice girls. Preferably Sporty – she always was my favorite. I have left my photocopying comerade behind to keep an eye on you. One hint of subterfudge and it’ll be paper jams all round, see!
 If all goes to plan, you’ll see her at the end of November. Otherwise I’ll force her to watch repeats of ‘The L Word’ – you just see if I don’t….
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GXoTG
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